STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
_X_ Mr. _List Bonehead_,
_X_ Mrs. _List Bonehead_,
___ Ms. ________,
et al.
I took exception to your recent _X_ post to Multiple recipients of list
<www-html@www10.w3.org>
___ email
It was (check all that apply):
_X_ lame.
___ stupid.
___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
_X_ what you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
_X_ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ______________________.
(net.personality)
___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS,
Domain, or Notesfile.
___ your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
3 Cielo Vista Terrace
Monterey, CA 93940
or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ It was done clumsily.
___ you have a lame login name.
___ your machine has a stupid name.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added _7_ lines
of text.
___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
___ you posted someone else's email address and then referred to them as
your "friend".
___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.
___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
(Mark only if above also)
___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
(Mark only if above also)
___ Miserably.
___ you included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ a stupid self-quote.
___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ a Rush Limbaugh quote.
___ a Dan Quayle joke.
___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
Furthermore:
_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of _Multiple recipients of
list <www-html@www10.w3.org>_.
_X_ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
_X_ You are a loser.
_X_ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
_X_ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
_X_ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ stop sending email and get a life.
___ consume excrement.
___ consume excrement and thus expire.
Additional comments:
I was under the impression that the people who read this list actually had
some familiarity with HTML and the Web. Why then, do they constantly ask
questions that are answered in a satisfactory fashion by the basic
HyperText tutorials that are found on Yahoo, Netscape's How to Create Web
Resources, CERN, NCSA, MIT or any of dozens of other basic, introductory
sites? Apparently, they cannot access these resources or have decided it is
a far better thing to subscribe to the list, ask all the bonehead questions
they can, and retreat once their basic needs are met. And they don't call
in the morning, no matter what they promise. Sigh. How about a 30-day
waiting period before you are allowed to post to the group? A sort of
NetBrady Bill. How about moderation?
Also, is this list for the private banter of a few obsessive types who are
compelled to exchange e-mail and just like to have hundreds of others read
it?
I would like the locations of other resources (newsgroups, lists, web
sites, gopher, whatever) that will allow me to monitor development of HTML
standards (3.0 DTD and discussion thereof), and to generaly allow me to
continue to hone my skills so that I may contribute to the field, and to
improve the work that I do for my clients. I am sad at how this list has
degenerated. Where to look to for substance?
__________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Ray Doeksen
Doeksen Design + Consulting
rdoeksen@design.chi.il.us
http://www.interaccess.com/rdoeksen/
Internet and World Wide Web consulting
Technology consulting for creatives
Industrial, Interface and Graphic Design